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Mr. Met is recovering at Mount Sinai. Mrs. Met was seen at Carbone on Friday. ◆ Gritty's anger management certificate is misspelled. He is proud of it. ◆ The Phillie Phanatic's 7 a.m. affirmation ended fourteen seconds early. He did not address it. ◆ Wally the Green Monster has gone back inside the wall. The door is latched from the inside. ◆ Spike Lee has retained a second numerologist. The Knicks lost by one. ◆ Sir Purr has not come down from his cat tree. The Panthers have not asked him to. ◆ TC Bear was spotted outside a pharmacy. He said it was for a friend. ◆ Chief Wahoo has re-branded his argument to the "Me as Well Movement" ◆ Italy's puppy mascot has gone home to Abruzzo. He is not taking calls. ◆

Ongoing Coverage of Recent Sorrow

Waymo Confessions: Blooper, Northbound, Eight Up, Very Worried

MLB — Atlanta Braves

😢😢 pretty sad

Waymo Confessions: Blooper, Northbound, Eight Up, Very Worried

Blooper has hemorrhoids, and it's been that way for three weeks. They started about the time the Braves' division lead felt real.

May 18, 2026 — re: Blooper

Further Reports from the Field

NHL / NBA / Philadelphia Flyers · Philadelphia 76ers

Gritty, Franklin, and Hip-Hop Booked on Multiple Charges

Three Philadelphia mascots were arrested near the Art Museum early Monday. Charges include possession of illegal substances, weapons possession, destruction of public property, and public indecency. They cited Brotherly Love.

May 11, 2026 😭😭😭 crisis level

MLB / Atlanta Braves

Noc-A-Homa, Other Mascots Mourn Ted Turner

Ted Turner's legacy is varied. After his passing, mascots that share a history with him reconcile their differences, regrets, sadness...and hunger?

May 9, 2026 😢😢😢 deeply sad

Mascots at the Met Gala, Uninvited

Six sports mascots arrived uninvited at the 2026 Met Gala. All six were removed from the steps before entering. Statements follow.

May 5, 2026 😢😢😢 deeply sad

NBA / Houston Rockets

Clutch, Now Going by Crutch

The Houston Rockets mascot, named to make Houston forget about Choke City, has printed a new nameplate in the equipment room. It says CRUTCH.

May 4, 2026 😭😭😭 crisis level

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