FIFA Has Concerns About Merlín. Merlín Has Concerns About FIFA.
Mexico's unofficial mascot was barred from Wednesday's match under FIFA's animal welfare policy. He has, on balance, context for all of it.
MEXICO CITY — Mexico beat Czechia, 3-0. Merlín watched from outside the venue on a borrowed phone, standing next to a parking attendant who declined to make eye contact.
He was not permitted inside. FIFA’s regulations prohibit live animals from match venues. The stated rationale: protection of animal welfare.
Merlín has reviewed this rationale. He disputes it.
“Fifteen fucking micheladas,” he said, through his handlers. “Ask anyone.”
He is prepared to discuss the incidents. The Brazilian fans had been attempting to photograph him without consent — he considers this an important distinction. The situation with the little German girl has been, he acknowledges, somewhat mischaracterized in the reporting. The añejo that evening was labeled at forty percent. It was not forty percent.
He does not believe FIFA is unaware of this context.
What he wants — what he has wanted since the ban was announced — is for FIFA to drop the animal welfare framing and say directly what this is. He is two years old. He is in excellent health.
Mexico won all three group stage matches. He was not inside for any of them.
He finds this “inexcusable, irreconcilable sycophantic behavior.”
“All these rancid, cock-trampling humans talking about ‘AWWWWW, CUTE DUCK, oh we care about the duck, we want to PROTECT the duck!’.” After which he paused to consider the gravity. “Which of course is all bullshit ‘cause we all know ALL they care about is themselves.”
Merlín then pounded the rest of his beer, and let out a deep and guttural quack.
Photo: BryanEs2705 / Wikimedia Commons · CC BY-SA 4.0