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Gritty, Franklin, and Hip-Hop are out on bail. The Rocky statue has not pressed charges. ◆ Blooper exited the Waymo at a Chevron on Windy Hill Road. He has not been seen since. ◆ Mr. Met hospitalized. Again. ◆ The Phillie Phanatic's 7 a.m. affirmation ended fourteen seconds early. He did not address it. ◆ Noc-A-Homa has forgiven Ted Turner. He asked that we not print this. ◆ Wally the Green Monster has gone back inside the wall. The door is latched from the inside. ◆ Mrs. Met had the tortellini al ragù. She described it as 'appropriate.' ◆ Sir Purr has not come down from his cat tree. The Panthers have not asked him to. ◆ Rampage is training his successor. He refers to the successor as 'the project.' ◆ TC Bear was spotted outside a pharmacy. He said it was for a friend. ◆ Iceburgh has requested that the arena drain the ice early. The arena has complied. ◆ Chief Wahoo has re-branded his argument to the "Me as Well Movement" ◆ Italy's puppy mascot has gone home to Abruzzo. He is not taking calls. ◆

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